I didn?t flash them! (with a camera of course)

Our plan for today was to have a relaxing day and do a Turkish bath. Megan, Katie, Maggie, and I were all doing it, but Candice opted out of this little adventure. We slept in a bit and went to eat breakfast at this café down the street. The waiter there couldn’t speak any English, and they didn’t have an English menu, so we just pointed to pictures. I got a cappuccino and a flaky spinach pastry thing. It was pretty good. We then started walking towards the bath! It was a Sunday, and it was insane how different the streets were. Almost everything was closed, and no one was walking around. It was surreal. We had to ask a few people if we were headed in the right direction, but we eventually found it. We went up to the front desk and decided to get the full treatment which is the actual bath and a hot oil massage. They gave us little towels to cover up with on our way in, and we also got these little domino-like tokens that showed what we had paid for. We also got out on kese which is the scrubber they use to rub you down.

We walked in, and the place was really cool. Almost everything was made of wood like a typical sauna. She led us up the stairs and showed us our lockers which were where we were to get undressed. We were a little hesitant to only wear our swim suit bottoms, but we decided to go for it since it was part of the experience. After stripping down, we walked back down the stairs through a different door that led to the bath. As soon as we walked in the door, we could feel the steam. It was really hot inside. We walked through a little holding room for people waiting to get their oil massages and into the bath. Now, to some, this may sound like a males dream. There were about 20 women in their topless with just bottoms on. Sounds great for all the guys out there right? Well the thing I must mention is that the women who rub you down and run the bath are also in there in their bras, undies, and some were even topless. In addition, these women are OLD and OVERWEIGHT. Quite the sight to be honest. My friends and I went in and didn’t really know what to do because the women that work there speak a few words of English at best. Megan had led the group into the bath, so she was first to get rubbed down. Before we even knew what was happening, this old, Turkish woman whipped off Megan’s towel. She was definitely totally unprepared for it. The rest of us were told to whip off our own towels, lay them on the large, round, marble circle in the middle of the room, and relax. Naked. With 20 other women. Pretty weird to be honest.

But we did what we were told. I laid there for about 3 minutes before I was called over by the largest woman of them all. This woman was literally the size of a small house. Luckily she had her black lacey bra and undies on, but they didn’t hide much. Before I knew it I was lying in front of her on the marble slab which she rubbed my whole body front top to bottom with soap, water, and my kese. Please keep in mind that I am topless, and this woman has absolutely no shame. She was all up in my butt and gave me a nice slap on the ass when it was time for me to flip over so she could get all up in my boobs. Not to mention the fact that her boobs were popping out of her bra and hanging RIGHT in my face. I was completely covered in bubbles and soap, but once I got over the uncomfortable feeling of it, it was pretty refreshing. Let’s just say, it was quite the experience. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that during my entire rubdown, I was in perfect viewing position to watch a 300 pound woman rinse her entirely naked body at one of the side faucets. That was fun.

After my scrub down was done, she walked me over to this faucet and washed my hair which was basically a scalp massage. That was awesome. Also, PLEASE keep in mind that there were about 20 other women in the room along with my close friends. We definitely were a lot closer after this! She rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and almost drown me in the process. My woman wasn’t the best with words. After my rinse down, she literally RIPPED my towel out of my hands and pushed me towards the pools; one of really hot water and one of REALLY REALLY hot water. So, I walked across the room naked and jumped into the really hot one.

This is the moment when I realized that other people from SAS were there. Yes. Terrific. So happy to see more people that I see every day without their clothes on. Most of them were older though, so they were less fazed by the nudity. I chilled in the pool for a while and worked my way up to the hotter one. Megan and Katie came into the pool room after a while, but those jerks still had their towels. Apparently their towels had not been ripped from their naked bodies. Lucky them. They hung out in the pool with me for a bit, and then we all went to one of the little side rooms where people rinse off. It was really nice to splash some colder water on my body after all the heat. We were all walking around naked at this point just because it was whatever. After that, we headed back out to the waiting room to wait for our oil massages. There were dry towels out there so we got to dry off a bit. Katie and Megan went in first, and I relaxed because the room was like a sauna. Maggie came in a little bit later because she was the last one to get her totally body rubdown. I eventually got called in to get my oil massage. This portion of the process wasn’t so bad because it was just like a typical massage. She did massage my butt though which isn’t something that usually happens. The oil felt really good though, and my skin looked great. The dead skin that the lacey bra lady had scrubbed off of me was jaw dropping because it was totally visible on the kese she used on me.

After the massage, I headed back out to the sauna room and rinsed off in the shower.
I had trouble finding Megan, Katie, and Maggie, but it was because Megan and Katie went back into the pool which they actually weren’t supposed to do. Oh well. We can’t read Turkish. We couldn’t find Maggie, so we decided to wait outside of the sauna room for her and have a glass of apple tea. It was super relaxing. I definitely don’t regret doing it. We finished our tea, so we went up to the lockers to look for her. We finally found her because apparently she was taken to the third floor for her massage which was weird. So, we got dressed and headed back out into the real world. It was a really cool experience though. We grabbed a taxi to get back to the ship, but our cab driver was super weird. I got out money to pay him, and he started grabbing for my 50 kuna bill. I think he was just trying to explain how much it was, but I didn’t like it.

We got back to the ship and showered to get the rest of the oil off of us. My sin felt great though. We grabbed dinner at the pool bar which is on the 7th deck. They serve good food, but you have to pay for it which sucks. Anyways, we left to go find this Turkish dancing performance which is something we were told we had to see while we were here. It is actually a religious ceremony, but they dance. So, we went to ask a taxi driver to take us there, but he didn’t speak the best English. He said it didn’t exist anymore or something like that, but we decided to take our chances and go to the place we were told. He was right. The monastery that it is usually held at is under construction, but it was being held down the street in about an hour at a theater. So, we walked down, got tickets, and went to an ice cream shop because Chelsea was in the mood for waffles. It was really good ice cream though, but expensive. They apparently have a location in L.A. too, and two other random countries. It was really delicious.

It was about a half hour until the show, so we headed over to the theater to get a good seat. The dance is a religious ceremony, so it was very plan. It started by the musicians walking out and playing music for a while. It was definitely a different type of music, but it was interesting. They were also playing some really cool looking instruments. There were three guys who were singing, and I am pretty sure two of them were twins. They looked exactly the same. The dancers came out and all hell broke loose. Everyone in the audience started snapping pictures like crazy. The guy sitting a couple seats down from me had the brightest flash EVER on his camera which was a little distracting, and the guy in front of me didn’t stop taking pictures the entire time. About halfway through the performance, the woman sitting behind Candice tapped Candice on the shoulder. She asked Candice to get the attention of the guy sitting in front of us. Candice obviously did, and he turned around. The woman behind us proceeded to tell him to stop taking pictures and being so obnoxious. The guy was really pissed and said “I am just trying to enjoy the performance!” Not sure how that is possible through the lens of your camera, but he didn’t stop taking pictures like a crazy man. At one point, his battery died, but don’t worry. He had another one in his pocket that he popped back in within a couple seconds of the first one dying. No worries. Anyways, that was all audience stuff going on.

The actual performance was really cool. It was very repetitive. They bowed towards this red cloth that they laid on the floor which I think was in the direction of Mecca, and they would start spinning one after another after another until they were all spinning together. When they were spinning, their left hand was down and their right hand was up which I am sure means something. They were also all men and dressed in big white dresses with pants underneath. They also had hats on that looked like straw thimbles. Pretty legit looking. The dance is actually supposed to represent the release from worldly possessions and worries and getting closer to Allah. It was a really cool ceremony to see. Apparently it has been done for centuries, but I have no idea how these guys didn’t barf. They spun the whole time and only stopped 4 times within an hour to take turns bowing to the red cloth. I would have puked.

After that, we were hungry because the performance was pretty early in the evening, so we went looking for a restaurant that Rick Steve’s recommended. Unfortunately, his book was published 3 years ago, so the restaurant we were looking for didn’t exist anymore. So, we just decided to eat at the restaurant that had taken its place. It was kind of awkward eating before sundown because people were still fasting for Ramadan, but a girl’s gotta eat! So, we sat down to probably one of our longest dinners yet. We sat there for about 3 and ½ hours which was pretty good for us. They served us olive oil to dip our bread in, but it had olives in it. Katie doesn’t like olives, so she suggested putting some olive oil in the ashtray and dipping into there. Luckily, we stopped her before she could because I am pretty sure they don’t clean those things. Oh, how she hates olives. Also, while we were eating (and drinking two yummy bottles of wine ), this little girl and her mom came by begging for money. Her mom was playing an accordion, and she was playing this toy flute. After they played a song, the little girl who was really adorable came up to our table with a cup and was asking for money. I felt so bad, but I didn’t have any change on me. She blew us a kiss when she left, but it is just awful that her mom teaches her to do that. God only knows what values are beginning instilled in her. I did end up giving some money to another old woman who was begging. There were a lot of people like that in Istanbul. We also had two delicious desserts. It was a really good night!